I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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