I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
