I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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