my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
