youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
