your parents love me but you hate me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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