wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
