Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
