Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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