Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
