there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
