Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
