I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
