You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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