you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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