Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
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Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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