I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
