I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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