but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
