I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
