you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
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He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
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Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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