drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
