DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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