So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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