You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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