Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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