dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
50% drunk capacity currently
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize