If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
