I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
