At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
