Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
