And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
