Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
They took my balls.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
