paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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