remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
