CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
