guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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