god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
