I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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