why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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