So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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