did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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