How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
