Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
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Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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