I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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