there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Randomize
