It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
