Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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