covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
