I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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