I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
