This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
