If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize