I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
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You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize