Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
