Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Randomize
