She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
