You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
