Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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