I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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