I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
