is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
