i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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