I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
