i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
