Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
