I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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