I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
