Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
