my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
