She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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