Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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