If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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