We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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