We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
smell my finger.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
