it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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